


who waits for love (the problem is with me, who loved you)

by daephylleia



Series: the misconceptions of love [2]
Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mistakes, Pining, Unrequited Love, a bit of fluff actually, im sorry ming im sorry taem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-14 21:39:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17516327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daephylleia/pseuds/daephylleia
Summary: Minho wants to know how.





	who waits for love (the problem is with me, who loved you)

It started with a phone call. 

"You're awake," Taemin's voice sounds exhausted from the other line. Minho looks at the set director and points to his phone, questioning if he can ha a minute. The man waves him off and Minho gives a slight bow before walking off set and into one of the empty cast trailers. "I am," he confirms. "You're obviously not and you sound tired. What's wrong?" Minho questions and sits down on one of the small couches in front of him. 

There's a sound on Taemin's end that sounds oddly like a sniffle and Minho tries not to think too hard on that. "Can I see you? Soon?" Taemin asks so quietly Minho can hardly hear him through the phone. 

"I don't get a break from filming for another two days. Can it wait until then?"

"I guess it'll have to." Taemin sounds too tired. He shouldn't even be awake at this hour and it makes Minho worry. His heart feels tight in his chest. He frowns even though he knows Taemin can't see it.

\--

Minho’s apartment is quiet when he enters. He’s tired, hungry and some other feeling he can’t put a name to. 

He doesn’t even bother turning on lights as he shuffles around his place, discarding his shoes, keys and jacket first. 

It’s about midnight now and he debates if he’s actually up for making food or seeing if anyone could deliver this late at night. 

Minho showers first, mainly because he thinks he’ll figure out his answer in the shower and he’s sweaty from an entire day of filming. 

His phone rings again when he’s in the kitchen, a towel wrapped around his waist and a beer in hand. It’s Taemin. 

“You’re home right?” Taemin questions. He doesn’t sound as tired this time which Minho is glad for but he knows something is up with the other man. 

Minho nods and then realizes Taemin can’t see him, he nearly slaps himself in the face, “Yes, you coming over now?”

“Please.”

“The code is the same, let yourself in,” Minho says and Taemin gives a grunt in response before hanging up. 

About ten minutes later Taemin is unlocking the door and Minho is seated on a bar stool with beer number two in hand. 

"That a habit now? Day drinking?" Is the first thing Taemin asks upon entering. He gestures towards the beer with a raised eyebrow and an odd look. Minho narrows his eyes, "Well, it's nearing midnight so I wouldn't say 'day drinking' is the proper term."

"Snippy, snippy.... What's got you all upset?" the other man questions as he heads towards Minho's fridge to grab a beer of his own. Minho eyes him and the way the Taemin's lips shape around the bottle. He swallows. "Tired is all. What did you come to talk about?" 

Taemin stills for a fraction of a moment and takes a large sip of his beer before running the back of his hand across his mouth. He gives Minho a look that causes a his stomach to drop and he hates how he's affected. Taemin leans against the marble counter top of the island and his finger runs around the lip of the beer bottle. He glances down at it with a lost expression and Minho cant help but to feel a little bad for asking now. "I-" Taemin starts and shakes his head, like he's trying to backtrack, "Did you see the news about Jongin?" 

Well, that was not what Minho was expecting. His eyebrows draw down and he frowns, "What about him?" 

The other man looks at him with wide eyes and an incredulous look. "He's dating!" Taemin nearly yells and now Minho realizes. His hands turn cold and he doesn't want this. 

He glances away from Taemin, hoping not to let the heartbreak show on his features. "Good for him, I hope he's happy," is all Minho can force out. For a few seconds his grip tightens on his beer bottle before he downs it and throws it away before standing up. 

A huff sounds from behind him as he makes his way to the couch in front of his TV. He doesn't turn his head to see Taemin follow him and plop down at the other end of the soft couch. He turns on his TV and tries his best not to pretend like he's ignoring the other man even though he agreed to this. He's dumb. He's dumb and he caves too easily when it comes to the other man. 

"Minho, you know why I'm feeling like this!" And if that statement didn't hit a bit too close to home. Minho nearly cringes. 

"What happened Taeminnie?" He hates how the concern drips from his voice and he can't even hide it. 

"He knows... he knows and he still doesn't love me," Taemin's voice cracks at the end and the heartbreak evident in his features destroys Minho. Forget his own feelings. Seeing Taemin this upset is something Minho has never wanted and despite everything and his feelings towards the other man, he can push them aside to make sure Taemin is happy. That's all he's ever wanted is to see Taemin happy. 

Minho reaches across and pulls Taemin close, tucking the younger man's head below his chin and simply holding him because he knows sometimes words aren't enough. He wants to know how someone could look at Taemin and not love him. He wants to know how someone could deny anything Taemin asked them. He just wants to know how it isn't him on the receiving end of Taemin's heart. How, when he's been here for him every step of the way. How, when he's loved Taemin since the beginning. But he can't ask this. So he holds Taemin. And holds him. And holds him. 

"Hyung," comes Taemin's whisper after a few minutes. Minho has been distracted, running his hand through the other man's hair and down his back in an attempt to soothe him. Minho's hand halts and he tries to calm his fast beating heart. 

"Taemin-ah," Minho responds, voice quiet. 

Taemin pulls away and glances at Minho with a too open, too heart-wrenching and broken look. Minho's throat runs drier than any desert. He wants to get up. He wants to leave this spot but something keeps him here. Looking into Taemin's eyes. "He doesn't love me, but do you?" 

Minho knew this was coming. Maybe in some weird, fucked up way, he knew this moment would happen. He had tried to picture it, tried to run from it, and yet here he was. His entire body feels detached, like he's watching himself. "Why would you ask me that?" 

"I don't know, I just want to know."

"This isn't something to joke around about Taemin, these are my feelings. You can't ask me something like that and tell me you just 'want to know', that's not okay," Minho's voice shakes with a mixture of anger and fear. 

Taemin grabs Minho's arm and forces him to look at him, "I...I - Hyung please. I don't know what to say. I don't even know why I came here. I'm sorry." Taemin shakes his head like he's suddenly realized something and stands, making his way to the door. Minho sees the way his hands shake. He doesn't know what to do either. Nothing could have prepared him for a situation like this. He just knows that he can't let Taemin leave. 

The other man is at the door and unlocking it as Minho comes up behind him to gently pull his hand away. He turns Taemin to face him, "Yes Taemin. I do love you. And I know... I know you don't love me the way you love him." That's the sad truth. The one Minho has harbored for years. He's known about Taemin and Jongin and how the two skirt around each other, never fully admitting their feelings. He's seen the way Taemin loves and loves and loves and Jongin takes and takes and takes and a little part of him hates Jongin for ever making Taemin feel like this. But a little part of him hates that Taemin will never love him like he loves Jongin. A little part of him hates that he loves Taemin despite it all. 

"I do...I do love you Minho," Taemin whispers and tilts his head and Minho shakes his sadly. "No Taemin, not in the way I want," Minho answers softly and he lets go of Taemin's hand. Now he doesn't know if keeping Taemin from leaving was the best choice. 

"I can for tonight." Minho's head shoots up and Taemin puts his small hands on Minho's biceps, squeezes just slightly, "I can love you like that for tonight. Please let me," Taemin continues. His hands run their way up and down Minho's arms and Minho breaks. 

"Why do you do this to me Taemin-ah?" Minho's voice shudders and he feels everything. "Why do you hurt me like this?" 

Taemin frowns and his hands stop their musings, "I never want to hurt you. I just...need to feel. I don't know. I want you to feel."

And who is Minho to deny Taemin anything?

When the other man kisses him, it's nothing like he expected. It's sweet and soft and beautiful, but there's a sadness, a desperation behind it. Minho sighs into the kiss and deepens it because if he's going to get this one chance, he's going to take it. Minho's hands come up to grasp the side's of Taemin's face, pulling it up towards him and he feels Taemin shudder underneath his palms. 

They reach Minho's room slowly, not rushing anything. Both are doing this for the wrong reasons. Both know this isn't a good idea. But tonight, both of them are giving in to something. 

Minho lies down first, pulling Taemin with him and resisting the urge to touch every part of the younger man while he works a spot into Minho's neck. Minho taps his temple, "No marks. Not done with filming," he reminds the younger and Taemin nods and moves down to Minho's collarbones. He kisses and kisses and kisses and Minho thinks just for a split second that maybe Taemin could love him the same. He clings onto that when things grow heated and even after when he knows he shouldn't. 

It's nearing three in the morning according to the small clock on Minho's nightstand. Taemin clings to him, their skin slightly still sticky with sweat and Minho frowns when Taemin makes a noise in his sleep. His hand continues it's journey through Taemin's now longer hair, threading through the blonde strands gently. 

"I love you Taemin-ah. But you don't love me," Minho voices to the dark room. What he doesn't expect is for Taemin to answer. "Hyung, how many others have you slept with?" Taemin's lips brush against where they lie on Minho's chest. 

"A lot. Not sure. Why?" 

"Did you have feelings for any of them or was it because you just wanted to have sex?" 

Minho tilts his head to an odd angle so he can look at Taemin. The younger man scoots back slightly so they can meet gazes. "Why do you ask?"

"I think Jongin had sex with me only because he needed someone. Not that he needed me specifically, but because I was there," Taemin answers. 

"Like you just did with me?" 

Taemin frowns at this. Like he hadn't expected Minho to be so blunt. Normally Taemin himself was the most truthful out of them all, they'd all joke that his filter was broken. "I - I guess so."

"Yes, I've slept with people just because I had urges. There are some that I cared about, some that I dated of course," Minho explains. 

"Is there anyone you're dating right now?" 

Minho narrows his eyes, "...No. There's no one Taemin."

"Okay..." Taemin trails off and he looks away from Minho, breaking their eye contact. "Why?"

A couple minutes pass by. Minho doesn't know if he should continue on this path of bluntness or play coy. Considering they just had sex and Minho has already confessed, he figures he might as well. 

"Because the person I love is not in love with me. That's why. And that's you," Minho explains and he knows the pain in his voice is evident. He knows Taemin can hear his hurt. 

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did this to you," Taemin tells him and Minho feels a wet spot on his chest where Taemin's face rests. The younger man is crying. Minho's heart aches but all he can do is run his hand through Taemin's hair and kiss the top of his head. "I'm so sorry," Taemin repeats. 

"It's okay," Minho says even though it's not okay. He can't let Taemin see him broken. 

"I do love you Minho-yah," Taemin manages to whisper. 

"I know Taemin-ah. I know."

**Author's Note:**

> well, this wasn't really what i intended to be. i am not really sure how i feel about it but im posting it anyways. it kind of just devolved into me being a sad mess and no one gets happy endings yay :') (unless maybe this gets attention, then possibly ill give a happy ending who knows)


End file.
